Tom writes:
I recently became a granddad. Very recently in fact – the wee one is 17 days old as I write this. My emotions around this have been mixed, for a bunch of reasons I’m not going into here – and I’m not sure I could explain even if I was to try! But when I listen to Arcade Fire’s Lookout Kid the swirl is clarified into a certainty.
Despite having listened to Arcade Fire for many years now, the first time I heard this song was just a few months ago. I was, as is often the case, driving along, listening to a playlist, when the track came on. Immediately my mind went to the then impending arrival of this tiny new person into my life and what that would mean. And for the first time I had absolute clarity about how I felt.
There is, I think, a temptation to make both parenthood and grandparenthood about wrapping your wee relative in cotton wool. It is, I think, a perfectly reasonable and understandable temptation, and of course a parent’s or grandparent’s calling includes keeping their child safe – that’s why stories of situations where that hasn’t been the case hit us so hard, why the moments that bring me out in sweats when I look back over our daughter’s life so far are the ones where I feel I could have done more to keep her safe.
At the same time, life is full of scraped knees and heartbreak. That is a truth that is unavoidable. At baptisms I always make clear that whatever else we’re doing, what we’re not doing is promising a life of ease and safety to the one being baptised – my favourite baptism reading is the opening of Isaiah 43, which doesn’t say there’ll be babbling streams and warming stoves, it simply promises that amidst the raging waves and roaring fires a love will hold us that will never, ever let us go.
So, as my worries and wonderings swirled in my head, Lookout Kid broke through all that and affirmed to me that, whatever else, my love for this tiny bundle of humanity then soon to enter the world and now having done so is absolutely and categorically unconditional. It also enabled me to see that my calling, as Gramps or whatever they later choose to call me, was to let them know that I love them whatever, and to ensure that they knew that would remain the case whatever life and the world throws at them, and to encourage them to be the person they are born to be, not the one that the world might want them to be.
Parents and grandparents can’t do everything for their children – there are things our kids and grandkids are called to do and be that are completely beyond our knowledge and understanding, and we need to let them find those things, despite the risk, the failure, the pain, and the sadness that such finding may likely involve. But, like the God we are all made in the image of, we can love unconditionally. We can encourage them to fly, while letting them know that when they trip and fall and scrape their knees we will always be there, to hold them, and tend them, and help them stand back up and try again.
And, of course, this is what God offers all of us too. All of us. God’s love is unconditional, and God’s desire for us is not that we be what the world demands us to be but what God calls us to be – our true selves, the selves in which God’s image is most clearly seen, the selves in which we can love
ourselves as much as we might love our neighbours and our Creator.
Whatever other thoughts and feelings swirl around my mind, I know this is what I want for the wee one now in my life. It’s actually what I want for everyone. And I know that it is what God wants for all people – because God’s love is indeed unconditional, whatever scrapes we may get ourselves into as we seek the person God has called us to be.
Find out more about Arcade Fire here – https://www.arcadefire.com/