‘You Need to Calm Down’ – Taylor Swift

Gill writes:

I’ve just had to switch the radio off. I was listening to two people being interviewed who had opposing views and one person in particular is getting louder, more agitated which meant, to be honest, their argument was becoming less coherent. Rather than defending their standpoint, they were beginning to attack the other person’s and I just couldn’t listen to what was no longer a conversation between adults.

As someone who works for a peacemaking charity, heated conversations and conflicts are part of my weekly, if not daily, world. Despite all the knowledge and experience that I have as a trainer and mediator, I still begin to feel my blood boil and my exasperation increase when one person is not listening to another.

One of the ‘Ways of Working’ that we have at Place for Hope is that we seek to understand rather than agree. I’m always reminding people that the world would be very, very boring if we all agreed with each other. It is through exploring our differences and perspectives that we can grow into compassionate human beings. Of course, understanding each other involves recognising that we each have things to learn, and that means acknowledging that sometimes we (yes, me) might be wrong about something.

Disagreements and disputes tend to be a bit easier to navigate in the real world. If, like me, you also live some of your life on social media, discord and differing opinions can have a much nastier and detrimental effect. One unusual thing about the social media world is that you can find yourself embroiled in heated conversations with people you don’t even know.

This song from Taylor Swift starts with that very situation. That somebody is having a go at you and they don’t even know you. More than that, she’s insinuating that somehow the anonymity that the digital world offers gives them the confidence to say what they wouldn’t say in the street, or pub, or workplace, or school, or home.

You are somebody that I don’t know
But you’re taking shots at me like it’s Patrón
And I’m just like “Damn, it’s 7:00 a.m.”
Say it in the street, that’s a knock-out
But you say it in a tweet, that’s a cop-out

Recent weeks seem to have been filled more than ever with nasty, harmful and inciteful comments made by privileged, powerful rich men that feed division and hatred within our communities. And when somebody questions their intentions and behaviour, or tries to encourage them to show grace and mercy to those less fortunate than them, rather than sitting down to talk and listen like grown-ups would do, they prefer to take to the keyboard with their angry and bitter responses.

You just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace
And control your urges to scream about all the people you hate

Knowing how to respond to abuse and bullying on social media is something that is on ongoing learning experience for us. It’s still quite a new encounter to be on the receiving end of hateful, angry comments from people who have absolutely no idea who we are.

I’m not actually sure that Taylor’s response to tell the other person to calm down is helpful. In my experience, telling someone to calm down may wind them up a little bit more. Telling yourself to calm down might be a better way forward.

Probably the best way to respond is to be an adult. By that I mean that if we are going to reply, we do so in a calm, assertive, and measured way that avoids getting further caught up in the argument. Another adult response would also reflect on what this might be all about and, most likely, step away and not respond. That way you’re not adding fuel to the fire and getting caught up in a debate that you didn’t even intend to get caught up in.

I like to believe that the Jesus who I follow would lead by example. That he would respond like an adult, and I can try to be like that too. Take a step back and calm (yourself) down. Take yourself to a quiet place or space. Be insightful, not inciteful.

If you want to know more about Taylor Swift, take a visit to her website at https://www.taylorswift.com/